chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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