Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
