I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize