Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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