Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
