that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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