I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't turn off my feet"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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