hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
