I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
