Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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