I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
