Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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