I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
