I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
