would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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