Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
