hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
