True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
