You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
