We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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