For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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