yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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