Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think my moral compass just broke
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize