I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
