you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
