So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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