Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
