i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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