would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
