my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
