No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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