I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
