dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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