Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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