You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
