so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
