just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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