i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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