shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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