How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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