he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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