At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
