I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
