Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She announced her abortion via fbk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
