Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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