I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
