You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
