Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
