Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
