Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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