I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
