best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
