How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
