shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
