get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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