did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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