sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Text me some of your sweat
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
