Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
