You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
