Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
