I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
