So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
