I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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