Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
