does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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